Feel Good 101_The Outsiders' Guide to a Happier Life Read online

  Firstly, don’t yell, ‘NO! I WON’T DO IT!’ and storm out. That’s not going to get you anywhere. Sit down with your parents, as I wish I’d done, and treat them as human beings, instead of ‘Mum and Dad’. Explain as best you can that this is what you want to do, how happy it will make you, and, whilst there’s always the chance you might fall flat on your face, you have to give it a shot. A job, a course, a hobby, whatever it is – you have control over every single thing that requires your signature. In time, they will see how much heart you’re putting into something you love, and perhaps they’ll come round to the idea of you controlling your own destiny. If not, well . . . get them to read this section. Get them to read over my story of regret, and ask them how they would feel if they were in your position. Perhaps they secretly had dreams of their own which they sacrificed along the way.

  Through hard work, I did get into the music business, despite having no qualifications. However, although I believe that the music production course would’ve helped me along the way (I still can’t record music the way that course would’ve taught me) the path I did walk down – and the hard work that I put in – ended up leading me to the dream that I’d always had. Who knows? Perhaps if I had taken the music production course, I would never have taken up a job in waitressing and wouldn’t have started making YouTube videos. Ultimately, my advice is this: always follow your heart. If you have a dream, and know of a way to start achieving it, then go for it. Always do your very best to chase after what you seek. Your decisions will affect the rest of your life. Live for you, because at the end of the day, when things are bleak – you are all you have.

  The First Hurdle

  Congratulations! You got rejected! Wait, what?

  Who celebrates being rejected for something? you might ask. Well, I do – and so should you. Here are the reasons why:

  If you don’t celebrate, what else can you do? Be miserable and let it affect your confidence, that’s what. When my first band was rejected at two separate Battle of the Bands competitions, it was really hard for me to bounce back. Being told you’re not good once is hard enough, but twice in the space of a few months? That rejection can really get inside your head if you let it. Maybe they know something I don’t. Maybe I’m as bad as they say, and I’m just in denial. Look, we all have that annoying voice in the back of our heads. You know the one – I have it, you have it, your friends and family have it, your worst enemy has it – the one that constantly makes you doubt yourself and is the cause of every occasion you’ve given up on something. Give it a name (a stupid one at that) so that it’s not a part of you. The second you start listening to that voice and take it seriously, you’re heading down a bad path. That little voice will get louder, and harsher, and bully you into not continuing with your passion. It will tell you that you’re not good enough, and that you’re wasting your time, along with everyone else’s. Shut it out from day one, and if you can already hear it, make a stand and refuse to listen any longer.

  Celebrate the fact that you’ve been rejected, rather than cry about it, because you had the guts to apply for something in the first place – meaning you had enough self-conviction to put yourself out there. Keep that level of confidence, and hold on to it – you’ll need it in order to get back up again. There will be times in your life when you have to be your own cheerleader, because no one else will want to be. Dust yourself off, get back up, block out that voice and work even harder. You will see the fruits of your labours, even if it turns out to be in ways you never expected.

  It’s practice. Everything you do is practice. The more often you do something, the better you get at doing it. Whether you’ve written a manuscript for a book that got rejected (you think what you’re reading right now is the first draft? Really?) or applied for a talent show and been turned down, you put yourself out there, did something you loved and got feedback on it. You’ve been given advice on how to improve, even if the letter or email you received didn’t actually say what you did badly – you now know that at that moment, what you gave wasn’t good enough. It sucks, I know, but take what you created, tweak it, go over it again and again, pick it apart and figure out what could’ve been done better. In both Battle of the Bands competitions, my voice was so shaky from nerves at performing in front of strangers that I sounded like an out-of-tune bleating sheep. Looking back, I was so hard on myself! Of course I’d be nervous! After that second rejection, I made a mental note to myself that no future auditions would ever be my first, and that next time I’d be equipped with a foundation of experience – I’d know what to do better in order to prevent the same outcome. And if I failed again? Well, I’d come back even more prepared.

  What’s the worst that could happen? No rejection can physically stop you from doing what you love – you can still act if you didn’t get that dream role. You can still write novels if you didn’t get published straight away. The worst thing that could happen after your being rejected is you giving up, and, unlike rejection, that’s solely on you. Believe me, after being turned down for many things (roles in the school play, the school talent contest when I was eleven, a YouTube network when I first applied for a partnership) you kind of get used to the word ‘no’. It always sucks, but after a while, you’ll find yourself able to turn your dejection into passion and determination. You have two choices after being turned down – you can either take rejection to heart, or you can take critique on-board and refuse to give up. Either of these options will stop you feeling rejected, but only one will result in you regretfully wondering, What if?

  It’s all subjective! You may get turned down for something by one person or company, and then get accepted for the same thing by someone else! Let’s take a classic, almost clichéd example – what do J.K. Rowling, U2 and the Beatles have in common? They were all famously rejected for their work. Could you imagine being the publisher that turned down Harry Potter? Could you fathom being the record label that said no to the freakin’ BEATLES?! The fact is, the people they reached out to simply didn’t believe their work would go anywhere – and they were very, very wrong. Keep applying for things, even if you fear getting rejected again – you may find you’re the perfect fit.

  Ask For Answers

  (This section is named after a song by Placebo. For heaven’s sake, go and listen to Placebo, and not just the singles. I’m not being paid to say that, they’re just freakin’ good.)

  When it comes to asking others for help, I have three traits that go against me – I am introverted, I am stubborn, and I am proud. This can be a fatal combination when it comes to asking for someone’s help, advice or feedback. I’m the sort of driver that will never stop and ask for directions (and thank goodness we live in a time of GPS) because I’m afraid of looking like a fool. I am constantly afraid of asking for advice in case the person I’m asking goes away thinking I am an idiot. However, when it comes to your work, and getting what you want, you have to call in favours. When I joined my first band, I would incessantly post about our upcoming gigs on my Facebook wall, inviting every single person on my friends list (yes, even the ones that lived abroad) to come to a show. When I released my first solo EP, I posted a link to it on all kinds of forums, hoping someone, somewhere would give it a listen. When I started my YouTube channel, I showed my first videos to everyone I knew – my co-workers, my bosses, my friends, my family – I wasn’t embarrassed. I was proud. I turned the pride that usually prevented me from asking for help into pride in my own creations – I threw myself into promoting every single little thing that I made, telling anyone and everyone that this was the best stuff yet because I was happy with what I was sharing. I even remember asking my YouTube inspirations to check out my channel. They didn’t, but I felt as though I’d given it my all, that I couldn’t have done better, and wanted to share that feeling with the world.

  Call it cliché, or call it realistic – this is a dog-eat-dog world. If you want something, you need to make connections. Do favours for others, and ask for nothing in
return – the chances are that most people will remember if you’ve helped them in a time of need, and are likely to return the favour in kind later on down the line. If you want feedback on your work, then you have to seek it, and the best way to get it is through asking your peers. By September 2012, I had amassed 2,000 subscribers on my YouTube channel, and, whilst I was still trying to push my luck and spamming my favourite creators with my videos, I had also befriended a fellow creator called Gerard Groves. Gerard had 4,000 subscribers on his own channel, and whenever we’d upload, we’d give each other feedback and encouragement, as well as share each other’s work. Five years on, Gerard and I are still close friends – I produce content for an audience on a bigger scale, and Gerard produces content for a very famous television broadcasting house. Without his constant encouragement, I don’t know if I would’ve improved, or once again thrown in the towel on something I loved. Eventually towards the end of 2012, my channel did grab the attention of larger channels, but without getting that initial feedback from a peer, whose only goal was to encourage me to continue improving on my creations, and working hard to improve my editing and comedic timing, I don’t know where I’d be today.

  The lesson here is that if your work isn’t noticed straight away, don’t give up! Keep pushing, keep promoting the work you’re proud of, always look to improve, swallow your pride and ask that friend with a good connection to help you out. Tweet out your portfolio or showreel – do whatever you need to do to make your dreams come true. Also, when that friend asks you for help, return the favour. Never forget the people who helped you start out – always aim to bring your peers up with you, just as you would want your peers to do for you if the roles were reversed.

  The Little Picture

  Ah, the end goal. Okay, firstly, let’s just get it out there – there is no end goal. Your life isn’t a Hollywood movie that lasts ninety minutes and ends with you kissing your love interest. Life will continue after you’ve achieved what you wanted – and then comes the next goal, and then the next. Whether your goal is a career, retiring with lots of money, or simply being whatever ‘happy’ is to you, there is always something else you can do to further it. This is why it is so important not to focus on one ‘big picture’ – it is the middle goals that you need to dedicate your life to accomplishing, not the end goal.

  It is so, so important to be proud of every single achievement, whether it is big or small. Say you want to be an artist – whether that’s living off commissions, having work displayed in a gallery, or being an illustrator for children’s books. You should not wait to celebrate until you have achieved those specific end goals – that’s an awfully long time to play down your small successes! Celebrate every little box that you tick from your to-do list – celebrate having saved up enough money to buy that sweet-ass set of paints or pens you saw online. Celebrate your first commission! Celebrate every single time you add something to your portfolio. I high-five myself every time I come up with a new chorus for a song, even if I can’t figure out the rest. I rejoice every time I come up with a good joke in a video, let alone every time I finish editing and uploading! Every single new subscriber is a person I have entertained enough to have them click on a button that says ‘I want more’. You have to see every little goal you complete as a step forward towards a bigger goal – you cannot feasibly hope to achieve what is in the ‘big picture’ without completing lots of little pictures first. Of course, the big picture is what drives you to keep moving forward – but don’t forget to be kind to yourself every time you do something that gets you closer to the main goal that you want to achieve.

  Oh, and also, if you have a setback, don’t worry about it. If you need to take time out from your hard work to give your mental health a check-over, absolutely do it. Unfortunately, as we all know, employers don’t see mental health as being as important as physical health – of course you can take unpaid leave for a broken leg, but depression? Forget about it. Just remember that even though, yes, your time on this planet is finite, your dreams can wait until you’re back at your best. You will be happier with the work you have created when you are at full capacity. Be proud of yourself for taking necessary breaks which can help you reflect and see things from a new perspective, as that’s also a positive step towards your goal. Forgive yourself for mistakes, celebrate rejection, and when you’re feeling up to it again, jump back on the wagon and get back to those little pictures.

  What If You Don’t Know What You Want?

  As I’ve already touched upon, at school and college I always felt as though I was the only person who had no idea of what they wanted to do for the rest of their life. Let’s go back to calling the idea of being a performer a ‘pipe dream’, which is often how it felt to me growing up. There was nothing else in the world that held my interest, yet being a singer seemed out of reach. Whilst my friends were taking courses in business studies to become accountants, art to be architects, law to be . . . well, you get it; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t convince myself that I wanted to do anything full-time except for singing. I certainly went through phases where I considered career paths that I might enjoy – there was a two-week period of my life that I wanted to become a paramedic, simply because I’d read a book written by one. My sudden ‘passion’ for a potential career path would fizzle out, only to be replaced with an idea just as fleeting. Over the joint seven years I spent in secondary school and college, I was given countless ‘career meetings’ – which in my experience were all useless wastes of time where you sit opposite someone you’ve never met, who pretends to know everything about you from the piece of paper in front of them with your grade predictions on it and then proceeds to say something along the lines of, ‘It says here you’re predicted an A in English language – have you considered becoming an English teacher?’

  (Perhaps your experience of ‘career meetings’ will be better than mine, but whatever subject I was succeeding in, the advisors all suggested that I should become a teacher in that subject. I’m starting to wonder if all of my meetings were secretly funded by a teachers’ board or something.)

  If you are like I was, with no seemingly achievable goals, I urge you to do what I didn’t do for a long time, and just follow your passion. Don’t be modest – there’s something in the world that makes you happy. Start thinking about careers to do with the thing you love the most: say you’re good at English, but don’t massively enjoy it, and love video games but aren’t that great at playing them. Combine the two and work towards being a videogame journalist. If you enjoy horse riding, and nothing much else, screw it! Your heart is in horse riding – do something to do with horse riding. Train to be a jockey, or make it your goal to own stables. Your goals do not have to be career-based – that’s very important to remember. Of course, sceptics reading this will say things such as, ‘Emma, you can’t tell everyone to follow their dreams, because not everyone can achieve them.’ But let me tell you this – no one who has ever truly followed their heart has regretted it, even if it’s ended in a less than desirable outcome. I’m not going to sit here with the opportunity to tell you to chase your dreams and then go against it – if you love something, follow it with all of your heart.

  Also, make sure to bear in mind that you may not have this whole ‘life’ thing figured out at the same time as other people, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never find a career path that you enjoy. People discover their talents and passions at different times throughout their lives – it’s just that the pressures of completing education at a young age make us believe that it all has to be figured out by the age of sixteen. I only developed a love for professional wrestling when I turned nineteen, after stumbling upon a YouTube video that used clips of a CM Punk vs John Cena match over the top of a soundtrack to a show I enjoyed watching. From then on, I was hooked, going to every London show I could, watching it weekly as though it were my religion, and even dreaming of being a wrestler myself! (This dream faded away when I realised that wrestling is
for the extremely fit individual with an extremely high pain tolerance – but perhaps one day, if I decide to take my life down a different path, I’ll work towards a job writing storylines or controlling the social media platforms for my favourite wrestling company. Who knows? If I want to do something that badly, I’ll chase it, at any cost. I hope you will do the same.)

  It’s actually quite funny to me thinking back to 2005, when I was thirteen, surrounded by kids in my class who knew exactly what they wanted to do with their lives. YouTube was only founded in 2005, and being a full-time vlogger wouldn’t become a thing for many years. I never could have predicted that this would be somewhat of my ‘calling’ in 2012. It can take years for you to discover a job you’d love to do, so if you’re young, and feeling under pressure to pick subjects to study, go with what you enjoy – the right path will eventually unfold, even if it takes longer for you than it does for your friends.

  Whatever you do, don’t panic. Remember that success isn’t defined by how much you earn, or how high you can climb up a corporate ladder – it is determined by your happiness every night when your head hits your pillow. Aim to be so in love with your job that it doesn’t feel like work – and if you don’t know how to get there just yet, you will in time. Follow your dreams, and if you don’t know what they are, keep searching for them. They’ll come around, and probably in ways you never imagined. If you find yourself doing a job that doesn’t make you happy – do not be quick to write yourself off. I know from first-hand experience that when you start to tell yourself that you are stuck in a job with no way out, you will no longer believe you are worthy of better things. Keep working hard towards your goals by any means necessary – in any instance you have some time to yourself, work on making contacts in your dream vocation and getting experience with them, helping them out and learning along the way. It can be exhausting taking on extra work when you’re committed to a full-time job to make ends meet – but you get one life. You owe it to yourself to make it the best life that you can.